My feelings on the topic of co-worker relationships

• Principles of Positive Co-worker Relationships 
• Audiovisuals and Books - Subject: Communication Skills in the Workplace
• Page 2 - Co-worker / Supervisory relationships - Building Trust
• Page 3  - More articles/websites re: Workplace Relationships
• See too: article links re: Coping with Bad Managers or Bosses
• See the page with Resources for : Conflict Management
• See the page with "Time Mangement" resources
• New page: Free online Personality & Career Inventory tests


Because we spend so much of our lives at "work" - it is 
certainly important that we enjoy what we are doing and 
that we "get along" with those we "work" with.
Sometimes "the job" itself can become stressful and it
helps when we can count on those that we work with to be 
supportive to each other. But that is not always going to be case.

I was asked a question on my LibraryTalk bulletin board about co-worker relationships and I will share my answer  here: (**Please Note: These are "my" personal opinions - only - and I did edit some of my comments for this page here)

Question asked:
Ok...Our library is staffed by 9 people. 4 Full-time employees, and 5 part-time desk staff. Of the 4 Full time, 3 are degreed professionals; Head Librarian, Reference Librarian, and Computer Specialist. Then, there is me, the Technician. 
Here is my dilemma... 
I feel like I am completely alone in this library. The other full-time staff talks down to me and wants nothing to do with me unless something needs done. The part-time staff doesn't deal with me unless they need to me to cover the desk for a few minutes or something. 
I don't mind not socializing after work with any of these people, because I am a bit of a loner, but when the whole full-time staff goes out to lunch, I feel very left out because I didn't get to go. I really hate eating alone! LOL 
Today for instance, we were all going to the monthly luncheon of library staff in the community. I was invited, as I had an email letting me know the time and place. My co-workers had to step out of the building for a few minutes. I knew when they came back it would be time to leave, so I gathered my stuff and prepared to head to my car since I have the biggest vehicle, and usually drive. I watched them pull into the parking lot, sit for a few minutes, then it was like they suddenly remembered the lunch, and they backed out and drove off. 
This happens all the time. No consideration for me. I get stuck doing the reference and computer work because they just take off. 
I know as the Technician and non-degreed member of the staff that my responsibilities are different. I am in charge of filing paperwork, ordering books, initial processing of books, tracking funds, overdues, and then really, whatever the reference librarian doesn't get done. 
The impression I get from them is that I am not "educated" so I therefore am a waste of their time. I get so angry at this. Just because I don't have a degree doesn't mean they are better than me. I served 13 years in the military doing administrative work. Was the Medical Librarian at a military hospital for 2 years (without any training) and have worked at my current job for 3 years. 
Sorry to vent on you. I know this board is slow, but I have always gotten good information/advice from everyone here. 
Am I wrong to feel this way? 
Thanks for listening! 

My Response:

I don't think you are wrong in your feelings ...about your co-workers. But it is important to understand, that most likely, your work culture is probably not going to change much, as long as the same people remain your co-workers. 
I believe that most non-degreed folks, (and I am one of those, too), are fairly defensive about themselves. We tend to continually defend our knowledge and skills. We think we know as much, and even more..in some skill areas. I think we strive for recognition and an equal footing against our co-workers. But the reality of these wants and needs, is that - Degreed people will always have the upper hand, and it is strictly a "personality" thing, on how those degreed workers, handle themselves around others. I have worked in the same library for over 17 yrs, and have had every type personality co-worker that you can think of. 
I also experienced, the "shunning" by Librarians, at lunch times, or to meetings. Technicians, were always, looking "up" to the librarians. Technicians, always got the short end of the training and travel budgets. But over the years, I educated myself in the skills, I wanted to know better..and I made the decision, NOT to attempt, to become a Librarian, or even try to go for a College degree of any kind. It was a monetary, personal, and lifestyle decision on my part. So if I was going to continue my job as a "technician" - I had to make MY JOB, the best it could be for ME!! My co-workers attitudes, weren't going to affect - My passion or education or enjoyment for my day to day activities. 
That's why - I have all my web pages (over 150pgs), and why I love traveling the net at night from my home computer. My "all about Tea" links pages, have introduced me to all kinds of wonderful people, most that I will never meet in my life, but that I have an e-mail relationship, that is wonderful and interesting. I venture onto Tea, Collecting, and even some professional Library listservs..answering questions offering my own unique perspectives and advice. 

Now my workplace Library at this present day, is quite closeknit, as we have had large budget cuts, and in the past 2 years we have gone from a staff of 7 to 4.
2 Librarians, a part-time tech, and me the full time tech. There is no room for egos or each of us not pitching in to do the little things, that once upon a time -were for techs only or for Librarians only too. We cover for each other during vacations, leaves, conferences, etc. 

I guess, what I am trying to show and tell you,  - is that the only thing that can make your job satisfying and rewarding - is YOU! You have to change the way you approach your day-to-day interactions with your co-workers, and not depend on their "attitudes" for your happiness or fulfillment. They aren't going to change, only you can change the way you react to them. Don't allow them, to make you feel bad about yourself, or inferior. You have no idea, even if they think that "deeply"..they most likely have problems, insecurities, and jealous feelings, like everyone else...and probably don't think about you or your Tech job in the way you think they do. 
So don't waste time, worrying about their motives..or how they treat you. 

Spend time, creatively learning how to enrich your own life. Find something you enjoy doing..and do it with all the energy and passion you can muster, fill your time with joyous things that make you feel good! Time at work will pass quicker, when you know that at home or on weekends, you will be indulging your "lifes fun and rewards". 
My dad told me when I graduated highschool (the highest degree I have)..that what ever job I had..I should try to be the "best" - the company had ever had in that position..He said if you are the "broom sweeper"..be the best that ever was..create better more efficient - broom sweeping techniques!! And so..35 years later..I am showing my library co-workers (Pro and non pro)..that I am the "BEST" tech, the Libraries have ever had,  and getting better every year! 

I look out for myself..for at the end of the day..
I am the only one who has to answer to Myself for what I accomplished each day. 

I wish you well - think positive thoughts!! Better things are bound to come your way. 

Mary, "LibMary1" 
Visit some of my other web pages:
Relaxing, Stress busting resources, available on my Relaxing Links page - 
relaxsites.html 
Channel your energy,
Learn NEW things..Most Courses Free! 
ed4you.html
See the resources on the Conflict management page

Visit my new page with resources for:
Online personality & career interest tests.
Discover insight into your own personality.

• Respect People's Differences : each of us is unique - it's a fact that we must accept and learn from. Each of us may approach life, and work differently and while that may be a challenge for some of us to co-exist with people that don't think the same way about certain things..we do each owe the other "respect" for their feelings and values. 
• Think Positive! (it's easier to talk to folks and get along with people who are positive thinkers and not always talking negatively - about every topic) 
• Acknowledge Your Co-workers - Talk to each other on a regular and casual basis. Say "Good Morning!" with a Smile - answer the phone with a Smile!, you don't have to have regular conversations with every co-worker, but acknowledge their presence and be positive when talking to them. Sometimes a co-worker can be having a terrible day, and just one "positive" comment or compliment, can make a dreadful day - bearable! 
• LISTEN!! Listen to co-workers when they talk to you - don't just pretend - you'll never earn respect or understand others till you give them your full attention. 
• Appreciate Others - No "one" person can or should do everything in a workplace - So just as you want support and appreciation for the job you do each day - show the same consideration for your co-workers. 
• Pitch In and Help Out! - I have always preached that you should try to go beyond your job description, think out of the box - go the extra mile - Every once in awhile - DO THAT! without being asked, just Pitch In and Help Out! and Don't let people down when you offer to do something extra or volunteer for a project. But be careful that you don't come across as a "martyr" - someone who wants to do it all - and/or someone who only knows the right way a project should be done.  
• Live Up to Your End of the Job : Your employers have certain expections of you and so do your co-workers, always do your job to the "best" of your abilities - don't look for the easy way out, or try to ask a co-worker to do "part of your job",  be a problem solver, and remember to always seek improvement in all that you do.  
• Respect People's Time & Priorities - We all are working under pressure and deadlines. Respect your co-workers need for concentration, and if you need to interrupt them - ASK first if this is a good time to interrupt them - If your request is urgent - Apologize for the interruption and keep your request brief. Remember that each of us has a different "style" of working..so respect your co-workers style of time managment and prioritizing their workload. 
• Be Willing to Admit your Mistakes and Apoligize gracefully - Co-workers understand that mistakes happen, and that we don't intentionally make them - so admit when you're wrong or made a mistake and get on with your job. 
• Invest in Other Parts of Your Life - Make sure that you are taking care of "YOU" -, and that your non-work life is enriching - indulge in hobbies, sports, exercise, reading, travel, socializing - Don't make YOUR JOB and the people you work with the focus of your Life - try not to take home "your" work problems..Life is too short to work 40 hours a week, and then come home and "stew" or be upset about what happened during the day..Change out of your "work clothes" and "work mindset" and do something entirely different - when you get home - focus in on your family, your hobbies, and yourself. 
• Understand that Life on the JOB won't always be perfect, and that you will have co-workers, bosses, and employers that you "don't like or agree with" - If you find that you absolutely can't work with certain people, then look for another job, Don't settle for an unpleasant work environment - you won't be a productive worker, or a happy co-worker -  It may take practice and patience but Harmony at work is within your power! 

Article from Bottom Line Secrets
Communicating with Coworkers
Easy Ways to Make It Work!
Also
Read: 7 Rules for Making Great Decisions
To get along in the work place, it is helpful to know
how to be a "good" decision maker, when to pick your battles,
how to be an "effective" worker,
one that coworkers will want to be around!

Article online to read: Do You Insult Your Co-workers? from SellingStrategies.com: article archive

Visit Pertinent.com - read the
Interpersonal Communication Articles
www.pertinent.com/articles/communication/index.asp
"Whether a business organization is successful, depends largely on the behaviour of the people in that organization"

Workplace Interaction
**Note this is a PDF file - you'll need to have Adobe acrobat reader installed** 

Visit Resources for Living
Empowering people & organganizations to excel.

Sometimes we are not aware of "barriers" in dealing with coworkers:
Consider:
Communicating with Co-workers or Supervisors
People with learning disabilities may have difficulty communicating with co-workers or supervisors. 
For people with LD, poor communication may be the result of undeveloped social skills, 
lack of experience/exposure in the workforce, 
shyness, intimidation, behavior disorders, or low self-esteem. 
Accommodations may include: 

• Communicating one-to-one 
• Communicating through e-mail 
• Providing disability etiquette and sensitivity training to all employees 
• Provide mediation 
• Provide employee handbook 

Instant Messaging - Sometimes it can "create" instant "communications"
Read this article:
Coworkers find instant messaging, next best thing to being there

and read :
Avoid e-mail isolation when communicating with co-workers

For Staff Development programs consider "Video" Series - and have Everyone
"discuss" the presentations and how they can best apply what was learned
in their own workplace:

Videos:

Effective Communication: It's Your Responsibility
www.brainware-tm.com/Zba068.htm

Education Planet store
Life Skills, Communication

The Training Source Program Business Communication Series

Book Titles to Consider:
Obtain via Interlibrary Loan,
Check out of Your own Local Library 
or Purchase for your staff:

Messages: The Communication Skill Book
Format: Paperback, 2nd ed., 309pp.
ISBN: 1572240229
Publisher: New Harbinger Publications
Pub. Date: August  1995

101 Ways to Improve Your Communication Skills Instantly 
Format: Paperback, 128pp.
ISBN: 0966141490
Publisher: GoalMinds
Pub. Date: May  1999

How to Say It at Work:
Putting Yourself across with Power Words and Phrases, 
Body Language, and Communication Secrets
Format: Paperback, 352pp.
ISBN: 0735200122
Publisher: Prentice Hall Press
Pub. Date: May  1998

Talking from 9 to 5: Women and Men in the Workplace: Language, Sex and Power
Format: Paperback, 368pp.
ISBN: 0380717832
Publisher: Morrow,William & Co
Pub. Date: August  1995

The Zen of Listening: Mindful Communication in the Age of Distraction
Rebecca Z. Shafir
ISBN: 0835607909
Publisher: Theosophical Publishing House
Pub. Date: Sept. 2000

Excerpt quoted from the publisher
Why don't we listen better to our spouses, kids, bosses, and clients?
Rebecca Shafir says it's because we live in this high-tech Age of Distraction.
The bombarding media and today's "do-it-all" mentality alienate us from one another
by reducing attention span and increasing anxiety.
The need for speed and the desire to succeed can distort even the clearest messages.
But it is the internal distractions -- the mental noise and negative self-talk --
that most inhibit our ability to truly listen. 

Why Didn't I Say That?!: What to Say and how to Say It in Tough Situations on the Job
Format: Paperback, 224pp.
ISBN: 0814479375
Publisher: AMACOM
Pub. Date: October  1996

Thinking on Your Feet: How to Communicate Under Pressure
Format: Paperback, 2nd ed., 109pp.
ISBN: 0941159965
Publisher: Professional Business Communications
Pub. Date: September  1996

Audiocassete ~
Powerful Communication Skills: How to Communicate with Confidence
Format: Audio, 1st ed.
ISBN: 0375406042
Publisher: Random House, Incorporated
Pub. Date: March  1999

Still need more HELP, on the Job,
in resolving workplace issues
Go>> to my page 2 on Co-worker / Supervsiory relationships - Building Trust
Go>> to my page 3 - More on Making Workplace Relationships - WORK
Go>> to my page on Conflict management resources
See too: article links re: Coping with Bad Managers or Bosses

To Contact, Me ~ Mary Niederlander
via e-mail, write to: Mary@LibrarySupportStaff.com
THANK YOU!!